For the love of books

I quite like books. And anyone who knows me will know that that is a major understatement. For someone who enjoys reading as much as I do, you might think I'd read more books than I do in a year (generally less than 25). That's an average of a book every couple of weeks or so, allowing for the fact that I have more time to read in summer and get through things quicker. I recently finished reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, which took me a little over a month. It is a little confusing in points, and is a book that requires some thought and can't be rushed through. 

Even so, I have absolutely no shame in being a "slow reader". I can finish a book quite quickly if I want to or if it is required. But I like choosing the type of books that I can take slowly and relax with, or that challenge me or require thought. 

I'm going to make an analogy. Let's compare reading a book to having sex. 
         You have to work on a bit to begin with, to get a good feel for it, and set yourself in the right mood.  
         Once you're there, you can read a little bit at a time, leaving it and coming back to it, reading a bit more, then leaving it and coming back to it, then a bit more and a bit more. 
         You're building up, you're coming towards the end and your interest in it means you speed up a bit as you get closer. 
         And the end has to be kept specially for a little while longer, you don't want it all to be over so soon so you hold off for just the right time, not too long that you lose interest, and when you come to the end you feel much more satisfied than if you'd read the whole thing in one sitting and got it over with. 

So yeah, I sometimes take my time with a book, because that's how I enjoy reading them. 

Til next time.
Jen x

PS. I'm currently reading two books at once. Make of that what you will. 

Stuckness

Yay, finally got back around to writing this. I was going to write something last week about the previous weeks, but I had just been too low and realised it would have been a horribly depressing post. That's what withdrawal from medication will do to you, I guess... ^_^

Anyway, got back on track and feeling better, and had a good productive day on Thursday of last week, but I could feel a wave of boredom coming on - I mentioned it to my mentor, Gillian, but she seemed to think I was worrying unnecessarily - I had had a good day, and that was fine, and I wouldn't be bored, because I had plenty of books to read. She knows I love books; we both do. But my impending boredom had nothing to do with whether there are things I can do; I did in fact spend the weekend bored, and slightly frustrated with being bored, and whilst I did try reading one of my books, I couldn't manage to focus because of my boredom and frustration. At one point I decided that what I wanted wasn't just something to do, it was something different from the same thing I'd done for most of the past week - sitting in my room most of the day, attempting to get things done or to read, moving occasionally to eat or go watch an episode of Breaking Bad because I needed a break from not getting anywhere with what I was trying to do. I wasn't exactly depressed, I wasn't low like I had been, I was just terribly bored (I knew that if it lasted too long it could lead to a low period). My friend Alex said "be grateful your plans [for the week] aren't once again try and fix the car!" - he was just joking, but I pointed out that I actually wouldn't mind trying to fix the car, I wish I knew how to fix a car. The reason he didn't want to do it is that it's the same thing he'd done for the past however many weekends (when it shouldn't have taken that long and he wanted his car back on the road), the same reason I didn't want to be sat in my room yet again.

On Thursday, before I'd had my wave of productivity and then started worrying about being bored over the next few days, I'd been sitting on a sofa in a building on campus reading my book whilst it was raining quite hard outside. I'm reading Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance (Robert M. Pirsig) at the moment, which is a very good book which I could probably write a whole other blog post about (if it weren't so hard to put into words without writing out almost the whole book - basically, it's a book that should be experienced to be understood properly)... Where was I? Right.. so, I was reading and got stuck at a part of the book - it delves into some complicated philosophy at some points, and he was talking about Poincaré, who is basically a motherloving genius, and some of his ideas, and I couldn't make the sentences make sense, and kept getting lost. So I put it down for a bit to come back to, and wandered across to the library to be productive and work on a planetarium show script and a school powerpoint about physics at university and beyond. Today, I came back to Z&TA and got past the thing that kept sticking my brain (I tried a couple of times over the weekend, but wasn't able to focus). Once I had, I felt better about doing things and being interested in things, less worried about being bored. I figured my brain couldn't focus properly because it was preoccupied subconsciously with frustration at not understanding something.

Frustration at not understanding things is quite normal for me. I don't often not understand things, unless it's a particularly difficult concept to grasp. And when that is the case, as has been pointed out to me, and as I rationally know, there's no need to be frustrated (with myself) if I don't understand it straight away because it isn't a sign of my own weakness, but of the complexity of the subject matter. I know this, and I have tried to be better at giving myself a break. In this instance, I think I decided not to let it bother me consciously but it still stayed on my mind subconsciously - not so much the idea that I was trying to understand as the knowledge that I didn't understand it - making me less able to concentrate on other things.

Funnily enough, after I'd gotten past that part of the book today, Pirsig goes on to talk about "stuckness" - you encounter a problem, and you stick. And then your mind can't move on; it's stuck, stopped. But he suggests, instead of seeing this as the worst possible situation, seeing it as "a moment not to be feared, but cultivated". He says "after all, it's exactly this stuckness that Zen Buddhists go to so much trouble to induce; through koans, deep breathing, sitting still and the like. Your mind is empty; you have a "hollow-flexible" attitude of "beginner's mind."". So, what felt to me like a wasted weekend of my brain (and body) being idle and me sitting in bed could next time be an opportunity to lie back and let my brain be idle.

I think the change of scenery did help. With it raining most of the weekend, I didn't leave the house too much and so a trip to campus today was good. On that note, I booked my flights to Norway!!!!! So on the 23rd-26th April I will have a proper change of scenery, and time and space and adventure all for me. Super excited! :)

Then 4 months passed...

Oh, blogs. I'm so good at keeping them up. And now I've recently had loads of ideas of things I want to write about, but I feel like I first need to address the fact that I haven't written a thing since September. Regardless of whether it's only me who reads it. 

Now, in case anyone else actually does read this, I'm not going to bore anyone (or myself) by detailing, or even summarising, the last four months, because I have already been acquainted with them and forgotten mostly about them, and frankly, no one else cares. If there is anything at a later date that I feel I urgently want to talk about, I can do so. So, right now, all I am doing is saying: yup, it's been a while. Time to start up again. 

I've actually got a fair amount of writing work on at the moment. 

       I'm writing a Saturday night planetarium show about galaxies sort-of for work; it's actually Alex's job, but he's still doing the February show (planets), this one's for March or April, and so I set myself the challenge of seeing if I could condense bits of my galaxies module of my university course into a 50 minute show suitable for the general public. Not that I load extra work onto myself or anything. If I manage to write it I'm basically just going to give it to Alex and say "there you go, show done for you!" and the rest is up to him. 

      Then there's the balloon data packs to put together, including background information pages about the atmosphere, space, high altitude balloons and what scientists do with them, then how to use the data, with suggested lesson plans, games, activities, project ideas, discussion points, and so on... I've realised none of that actually makes sense as I've not written previously about the balloon launch plan - basically, we launch a helium balloon, measure a load of things like pressure, temperature, humidity, ozone, etc, and then the balloon bursts and we take the camera footage and the data and make it into a science pack and give it out to schools and homeschoolers. Yay!

SO, I feel like I've now written enough for the time being to just relax and look forward to the next one. Haven't decided yet if it'll be a feminist rant, a university rant, a sciencey piece or other, so I guess we'll see.

Laura's Last Day

So, from the first week of my summer placement, to now, almost six weeks later and just three weeks left. It was an eight-week placement, but I've had the last two out to resit exams. And wasn't that a thrill.

My first week of placement was for finding my way around - learning the ropes, and also the names and faces and characters who shaped my working environment. I had a small project for that week to put together information for the new activity tables, as well as adding new activities where old ones were missing or not very exciting. It was a nice way to get started there, having something to work on that was mine, where I knew what I was supposed to be doing, but also being able to help other people out.

I took Monday 29th July off, for my birthday, and that weekend my parents and younger brothers came down to visit, and we had a brilliant day at Marwell Zoo. It was nice to be able to relax.

By the third week, I was pretty comfortable. I had spreadsheet work for when I was in the office. I was doing summer shows and putting together new ones along with Laura, and we had some fun with that. Summer students turned up who were working on a rota of four days on: four days off. I had seen most of the planetarium shows at least once. 

Week four was Laura's week off, and my week in charge of the shows. Exciting stuff! Equally exciting, I met my friend at the train station one morning as she was on her way to an interview at Marwell, for the same Masters course Laura had applied for, and happened to be interviewing for on the same day, as I found out on the Monday of the next week when she came over with a big grin and whispered excitedly that she'd got in :D

End of week five and I felt really settled in and was enjoying gathering around watching youtube clips in the office, taking photos in the planetarium and jumping out of my skin when we tested our alka seltzer tablet demo, much to the delight of Laura. However, I was heading into exam resit period.

Despite the stress and anxiety that that caused, it's behind me now, and I could write reams about the feelings of worthlessness that like to consume me when I'm scared and trying to revise, but I'm sure there'll be plenty of opportunities in the future, unfortunately :P
On the Saturday in the middle of my exam weeks, I went to BBC Children in Need Car-fest (for work!) to do planetarium shows in the mobile dome we borrowed from the guys at RAL. I got paid, to go to a festival with gorgeous cars and air displays and music, and do what I love - tell people about space and physics. My life is awesome.

And now it's the end of those two weeks. My last exam was on Thursday, and I was back at work on Friday, which was Laura's last day at Intech. Thursday night we went to the pub down the road from the science centre for dinner and drinks, and I knew just how much I appreciate working with such brilliant people. So, the only thing I really have left to say is good luck Laura! (And see you soon) x

Day one

It must be something about trains. And maybe cappuccino. When I read blogs, the people who write them seem to catch a lot of trains.

I walked in to work yesterday and announced my decision: I love trains, but I hate buses. This morning reinforced my conclusions. At the train station, I spoke to the same really nice girl who I buy my coffee from seemingly every day, whose name I still have yet to learn. And on the train, I got my pad out and started scribbling illegibly (I had forgotten my glasses) and envisioning a future of catching trains and drinking coffee and writing for the Daily Planet. At the bus station however, the seats are uncomfortable and the buses are late. And the bus today was being driven by a learner bus driver. I didn't have a problem with that at all, every bus driver's got to learn somehow, but that doesn't mean it didn't still make me nervous, especially with the tight bend out of the bus station and the roads full of parked vehicles in Winchester. Thankfully, it's only a short bus journey. Which also means I'm still full of that initial coffee when I get in to work.

So, where do I work? Well, at the moment, at INTECH Science Centre and Planetarium just outside of Winchester, Hampshire, UK. I say at the moment because I'm on a summer placement. The rest of the year I'm a student in Southampton, studying physics. And as I have work tomorrow, I'm going to call it a night and get some rest so i can actually be on time for the 0743 that I miss every morning. Catch up soon. :] 

Jen